Mixed Emotions

I really feel like I am going through some sort of grieving process. I have gone through all of the same emotions. <> I was, at first, in denial. I did not want to believe that something was wrong. I was seeing "red flags", but I was desperately trying to ignore them. Then, I began to let myself admit what I was seeing. I would only admit it to my mother, though. Admitting it to my mother helped me begin to seek help for what I was seeing. So, testing began. I was like a robot. I did not feel anything. I just knew that testing needed to be done. The EEG came back abnormal and I went into denial again. I thought that if I waited a while, Luke would grow and begin acting normal. All the while, I was feeling sad inside. Then, all of a sudden, I became angry about the situation. This is what led to the last doctor's visit. The anger allowed me to have the strength to be up front with his pediatrician. It also allowed me to be able to hear what she had to say to me. Immediately after the doctor's appointment, I became extremely sad again. Now, I am feeling angry again. At some point, I will accept what is going on and move on. Until I get to that point, I will just continue to walk through each day a small step at a time. Accepting Luke for who he is and what God made him will mean that I will have to let go of some things. It will happen. It is just a matter of time.