When Luke is home with us all is well in our world. He fits into our family and just goes with the flow. It is only when others decide it is their job to judge our family that I begin to have issues. I feel like our family is under a microscope. As a result of Luke being Luke, I feel that there are always eyes on us. I hear whispers and see facial expressions and body language. I am not thick in the head. I know very well what is said. Joe Public doesn't realize that I also experience the other end of the coin. I have heard the conversations of others as they pick apart another person.
Gossip always comes back to me. I somehow always hear what others have said about me or Luke or about our family. There have been some pretty hurtful things said by others that I know. By God's grace I have been able to take it in stride and forgive. The hardest part is the forgetting. It just doesn't come easy. I do not hold grudges. I just do not want to allow these people close to me. In fact, I find myself not wanting anyone close to me. I can't be hurt that way.
It is easy for someone to say that "You just can't let what others say get to you". Until you've lived it, you just can't really imagine. It is not easy for me to see Luke now and not think about the future. There is always guilt. There is always the feeling that his behavior is cute now, but it won't be cute when he is 15. Yes, I have faith in God and I know that He's got this. I am also human. Here's a newsflash- I am NOT perfect. Neither is my family. We are good people and we are doing our absolute best.
My husband has two jobs. I have a full-time day job, a house, and four children to take care of. He and I have decided that there are "target behaviors" we want to work on with each child. Each one of our four children struggle with certain things, so we try to take the time we have and focus on teaching the "correct behaviors". We do the same with Luke. We focus on appropriate behavior in family/social situations and in the community (i.e., grocery store, Wednesday night supper at church, Sunday church, restaurants, etc.). We expect appropriate table behavior at home. We work on encouraging Luke to "finger walk" around the house. We brush teeth and hair, wash hands, wipe his face, and encourage freedom where it is appropriate. Honestly, what more could we possibly do?
So, now on to...
JOYS- A Mother's Thankful Heart
I am glad that God chose us to be Luke's family. He has taught us all so much through Luke. As a child and young woman, I lacked patience, perseverance, and true faith. Being a mother to Luke has taught me all three.
I just adore this little boy and I see beauty in him- I see Jesus in him. That is why I have a hard time with the harsh words others use.
