Blah

My anger has gotten the best of me lately. I have tried to talk myself out of it or think myself out of it, I guess. I am worn out. Being a teacher of children with autism has given me a huge shot of reality when it comes to Luke. I focus on the positive or I try to, for the most part. I accept that he is different, yet I find myself feeling sad. What a mixture of emotions. Thank you, Lord, for making me a woman.

My older three are having problems of their own. Behavior and academics are challenging. I often overreact because I do not want anything bad to happen to them. Any problems that are occurring, I want fixed- immediately.

I am blessed with my job. I am successful. I have worked hard. Family life is challenging. Really, the challenge is the turmoil that is going on within each of us. We have a blended family and each of us have our own unique personality and inner challenges.

So, why write all this junk? I want to remember the challenges. I do not want to dwell on them, but I do want to remember where I have been so that I can remember who has brought me from that place. Growth cannot occur without questions and emotions. How can you discover who you are and what you believe in without questioning? We teachers have learned, through much education and training, that it takes questions to learn. You must ask higher order thinking questions in order to help others find the answers in themselves. So, this blog is an answer to the question, describe how having a child with disabilities has changed your life for the better and what challenges it has presented. Describing my emotions- the good, the bad, and the ugly- has allowed me to understand what God has really done in my life.

He has given me the direction that I have prayed for. He has provided the drive I have needed to succeed. He has also provided the grace and mercy to cover the many mistakes I have made a long the way. Logan, Sydney, Gracie, and Luke have shown me what true love really is. God gave me my children to help me discover how He loves me.

My Buddy Who Has My Heart :)

Luke and I have so much fun together. He's been my little "water buddy" for a while. When he was a newborn, he expressed that he hated water. I just thought it was a newborn thing, but several months later, he was still freaking out during bath time. I was realizing that it was not just a boy thing or a newborn thing, it was a sensory thing for Luke.
Kids with disabilities have sensory issues. Some are extremely sensitive to noise. They cannot endure loud noises. Something inside their brain goes into overload when they in a loud environment. Other children with disabilities have sensitivities to bright light. The bright light overstimulates them and they become scared. Luke has touch sensitivities. He is especially sensitive with his feet. The first time he stood on grass with his feet, he flipped out. His therapists would try to rub his feet with beans and rice. It was torture for him.
Bath time was torture for the longest time. Even if his water was luke warm, his skin would turn bright red. His hands and feet would look like they had been dipped in boiling water. Since I new it was sensory problem, I decided to try a little therapy of my own. I started taking baths with him. He would lay on my chest and I would gently wash his body. Once he grew comfortable with this, I would physically take his hand and teach him how to splash. He soon was laying on my chest and splashing at the water. So, I moved him so that he was sitting in the water. We continued the splashing. It took a year, but we finally reached the point that he would sit in the water without me being in the tub with him. Now, there is no fear or discomfort. Only when I spray his face (by accident) with the shower head does he fuss. I am so proud of him.

This experience with Luke taught me so much. I now teach pre-k aged kiddos with autism. Each of them have their own specific and unique sensory needs. I know, from experience, that all I have to do is provide repeated exposure to situations that are uncomfortable for them in order for them to change and grow.

Having Luke has also taught me how to treat the parents of my students. I think back to how much heart-break I went through. I have felt pain and fear. I can see this is the eyes of my students' parents. So, I am planning a "Fall Celebration" for my students, teacher assistants, parents, grandparents, and front office staff. We will have turkey and dressing and mash potatoes and mac and cheese... and of course, we will have McDonald's McNuggets :) We all deserve a little celebration!