Blah

My anger has gotten the best of me lately. I have tried to talk myself out of it or think myself out of it, I guess. I am worn out. Being a teacher of children with autism has given me a huge shot of reality when it comes to Luke. I focus on the positive or I try to, for the most part. I accept that he is different, yet I find myself feeling sad. What a mixture of emotions. Thank you, Lord, for making me a woman.

My older three are having problems of their own. Behavior and academics are challenging. I often overreact because I do not want anything bad to happen to them. Any problems that are occurring, I want fixed- immediately.

I am blessed with my job. I am successful. I have worked hard. Family life is challenging. Really, the challenge is the turmoil that is going on within each of us. We have a blended family and each of us have our own unique personality and inner challenges.

So, why write all this junk? I want to remember the challenges. I do not want to dwell on them, but I do want to remember where I have been so that I can remember who has brought me from that place. Growth cannot occur without questions and emotions. How can you discover who you are and what you believe in without questioning? We teachers have learned, through much education and training, that it takes questions to learn. You must ask higher order thinking questions in order to help others find the answers in themselves. So, this blog is an answer to the question, describe how having a child with disabilities has changed your life for the better and what challenges it has presented. Describing my emotions- the good, the bad, and the ugly- has allowed me to understand what God has really done in my life.

He has given me the direction that I have prayed for. He has provided the drive I have needed to succeed. He has also provided the grace and mercy to cover the many mistakes I have made a long the way. Logan, Sydney, Gracie, and Luke have shown me what true love really is. God gave me my children to help me discover how He loves me.