Being a Parent

Luke will be 3 on August 21st this year. Two days later, he will enter the ESE pre-k class where his brother and sisters go to school. How is it that the first three years of his life have passed so quickly? I think back to all the challenging times and all the times that God showed us who He really is. The first year of Luke's life was consumed with the realization that something was not quite right. My mother and I agreed that he was "neurologically young". Honestly, it felt like a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. From a relatively young age, I always felt in my spirit that I would one day have a child like Luke. I began writing this blog because I desperately needed a way to work through my feelings. I needed a place to put my feelings down and walk away. This blog provided that for me.
During Luke's second year of life, I felt the need to know what was going on. We went from doctor to doctor, place to place, trying to find an answer. Many tests were done. The only conclusion was that you had an abnormal EEG. As a result, Luke was put on strong seizure medications. These medications made Luke seem like a zombie. His eyes were open. He moved a bit. He had no personality, though. It made it impossible for us to bond with him. Honestly, I went through deep depression. I was grieving for my child.
Shortly after Luke turned 2, we found out that he had not been having seizures. He spent a year of his life on medications that he didn't need. He was taken off of the medications and his life changed. He changed. He began sitting up and smiling and laughing. His personality began to develop. He began crawling and standing. He pulled up and reached for things he wanted. He began to explore his environment and play with different toys. He has come so far and his personality is so bright! So, I openly share what God has done is our lives. I do not think anything is a coincidence. Every good thing happens because of my God.
So as we are approaching his third birthday, I am still wanting answers. While Luke has come so far, it is still extremely evident that an autism diagnosis would be appropriate. The two doctors that Luke sees consistently have spent three year avoiding me- avoiding the questions. I do not think that a diagnosis of autism would be the end all, but I do think it is appropriate.
I have found many ways to work out my frustration, anger, guilt, and grief. I write. I have taken 4 classes towards my Master's Degree. I have had to take a break, for now. I have obtained a job working with pre-k kiddos with autism. I have reached out to other parents. I have volunteered at Kids for Camp in order to create a book to be used in classrooms. I have networked. So, I have some hard feelings to deal with, but I have chosen to do anything in my power to help others who are going through this.