Perceptions: The true difference in being a mother AND an educator.

I was born with the heart of an educator- caring, compassionate, passionate, and strong. I have spent a good amount of time with all kinds of educators; teachers, therapists, administrators, support staff, etc. I have listened in on all kinds of conversations involving every different kind of local educator. I have been teaching for 5 years, all together. I have been a teacher of children with special needs for four of the five years. I am passionate about advocating for the education of children. I will always be passionate.

Early in the year of 2008, when Luke was just months old, I realized that something was different about this child. Little did I know, at that point, that he would not walk or talk or be capable of engaging in activities with peers. I did not realize how "neurologically young" my little one would be. None-the-less, this realization changed my life. I ceased being just an educator with neurotypical children of my own. I began the journey of being a mother of neurotypical children and of a child with special needs. This changed my view on how to parent completely. I  began to learn how to juggle the needs of three high maintenance (slightly older) children and the needs of a non-demanding, yet needy also, child with special needs. This also changed how I would view my chosen profession from that point on.

I have recently been told that I cannot allow my experience as a parent to dictate how I make choices as a teacher. How can that be possible?! I know the every day reality that my students and their families live. I cannot choose to ignore it. I must adhere the the principles and ethics of my profession and I also must adhere to school and district guidelines. I also need to adhere to my personal standards. These children ceased being case-studies and experiments to me long ago. Every day, I fight a battle between my professionality and reality. I see the pain in each parent's eyes. I know, from personal experience, how it feels to be surrounded by "professionals" who are constantly telling me that what I do is simply not good enough.

There is a fine line that is easy to cross when communicating with parents. Some parents only have one child to focus on and do not choose to work. These parents, often-times, want to know strategies to use in the home to help their child. So, as a professional, you can be more open about your ideas for strategies and techniques to use in the home for the benefit of the child. If this kind of parent has asked for advice, the teacher should give it freely while remaining understanding that most parents are not capable of following through on the highly structured activities that take place in the classroom.

There is another set of parents who are quite opposite of the first set. These parents have multiple children and also have to work to support their families. Parents of neurotypical can get quite overwhelmed with daily life. I will always be sensitive to that. I will say that I believe parents of a blended family, with neurotypicals and a child or children with special needs, live a life in which every second of the day can be overwhelming.  This kind of parent may not want to know what you think they should be doing different for their child with special needs. Every day is survival. Each moment of their time at home is consumed with multiple issues that require their undivided attention. If you are asked for advice, give advice but remain fully aware that many things you suggest are just not reality for this specific family.

I belong to this group of parents. I want to give you a window into my world for the purpose of helping you understand that I am trying my very best to be the very best for everyone in my life and I live a life in which there is way too little time to do way too much.

On Mondays through Fridays, I wake up at 4:30am. I use the next hour to get myself ready for my work. I walk out of my dark bedroom (Marty is still asleep) at 5:30am sharp. I turn on the tv to channel 19 and watch Joyce Meyers for 15 minutes while packing my lunch and snacks and getting the coffee brewing. At 5:40am, I turn on Sydney and Gracie's light and say "It's wake-up time". I go to Luke's room to pick out the girls' school close and stop for a moment to watch Luke sleep. I cover him up with his little quilts and tell him that I love him. At 5:45am, every other week, I wake Logan up and say "Good morning 'Yogan', it's wake-up time.". I then go back to the girls room and spend another 5 minutes nagging them until they wake up and start getting dressed. By 5:55am all three of the older kiddos are awake and absent-mindedly wondering into the living room. I brush the girls' hair and remind all three to brush their teeth. At 6:00am, I turn the tv to channel 13 to watch Believer Voice of Victory with Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. The coffee finishes brewing while I watch for 8 minutes (steadily having to remind the kids to be quiet so Mommy (Mrs. Jaime) can hear the Word of God). At 6:08am, I walk back into my dark bedroom, kiss Marty on the forehead, and tell him to have a wonderful day while pleading and applying the Word of God for protection over him, myself, our children, and our parents. At 6:10am, I say "load up!" while pouring my cup of coffee. The kids and I get into the Yukon to go to the bus stop. At 6:20am, the older three are on the bus and I am off to work. ( At 6:45am, Marty wakes up to get Luke ready for school and Luke is off to school by 7:10am. Marty leaves for work shortly there-after). I arrive at Ensley at 6:45am. I quickly sign in and walk the .2 miles to my classroom at a quick pace. My students arrive at 7:20 and my work day truly begins. My students leave between 1:40pm and 2:10pm. After the last parent pick up, my teacher assistant (s) and I go for a 2.5 miles walk around the school grounds.

I usually arrive home, in the afternoon, at 3:30pm. I step into my kitchen knowing that I have four and a half hours with my children before they go to bed and I am too exhausted to accomplish anything more. (Marty arrives home about 5:00pm, on average). My first order of business is to start a load of laundry and put away clean dishes from the night before. Once my kitchen is in order, I begin dinner. I make the three older kids go outside and play while Luke crawls around the house (enjoying the temporary quiet). Prep time for dinner is usually around 30 minutes. After I put meat in the oven, begin boiling some water (for noodles, potatoes, etc), and put a veggie on the stove, I take my 15 minute "me" time. Usually it consists of doing crunches and other calisthenic activities and/or checking Facebook or email. As I continue dinner, I take out the first load of laundry and continue the cycle. I also check on Luke frequently and keep him from banging his toys against our hard floors and eating the paint off of the corners of the walls. I also change his diaper and give him his afternoon sippy cup while doing household chores. At approximately 5:30pm all of the older kids walk in the door and begin milling around and arguing with each other. While I finish dinner preparations, I put out the "fires" that the older kids create. Dinner is served around 6:00pm usually and tends to require my direct attention. Luke is brought to the table and is seated in his chair. Sydney and Gracie are not to sit next to each other and Logan usually sits between them. This can create a stir, but we do what we have to do. We make plates with the dinner food for each child, then we serve ourselves. I always sit next to Luke and assist with his feeding during dinner. Most of the time, I hand feed him as a result of not having the time or energy required to clean him up. By 6:40pm all six of us are fed and Marty and the kids bring their plates to the sink for clean up. I send Logan to the shower and 15 minutes later, the girls take a shower. Marty will go to our bathroom and give Luke a shower with him. At 7:30pm, all (except me) have showered and the family gathers in the living room to watch tv together. At this point, I am exhausted. I fix Luke a warm sippy cup with melatonin and rock him in our recliner. Marty leaves for his second job at 7:40pm. He works from 8:00pm until 12:00am and usually does not go to bed until 1:00am. At 8:00pm, all kids are in bed and I go to my room to watch tv. By 9:00pm, I am asleep. My next day begins at 4:30am.

The only day that differs is Wednesday. We eat church dinner at 5:30pm. Marty goes to his Men's Fraternity meeting and I walk the church grounds with Luke. Marty leaves for his second job at 7:15pm and I go to choir at 7:15pm until 8:45pm.

So, let me ask you, what more can I possibly fit into my day? What more could any working mother or father do? I sincerely ask you, is all of this not good enough?

It is food for thought for parents and for educators. Are our expectations of parents too crazy? I will continue to push my students during school hours and I will continue to be sensitive to the reality that each mother and father lives every day. It turns out that I was born not only to advocate for students, but also advocate for their parents.

I AM A MOM-ECATOR!

How Does This Make You Feel? Care. Don't Stare!

Care. Don't Stare!

How would you feel if the eyes of the public were always on you, judging you?

A common story I hear from parents who have a child with a disability is that they have a hard time dealing with the way society judges their son or daughter when out in public. It is truly a common theme among parents of children with disabilities. Not many people understand that we parents have gone through a grieving process. When we were pregnant, we would dream of what our child will look like and sound like. You think that if you have a girl, you will dress her just so and have a wonderful relationship with her. If it is a boy, you a ready to get him involved in sports. As soon as we came face to face with the fact that our child was different, we had to change directions totally. We had to find new hopes and dreams. For some of us the dream is to see him walk and run and talk and play. For others it is that their child will be the genius this world is waiting for. Whatever the dream may be, we look at our little one and see the hope for the future.

When we go in to the world with our beautiful ray of hope, we quickly find that the world doesn't see the hope in the situation we have. Most stare and many make quick judgments about the parents. Instead of passing us by, public joe chooses to make us feel awful about ourselves and our child.

The road we walk is filled with champions. The champions know what it is to love unconditionally. We see the best in our child and it angers us when others refuse to see what we see. 

This will be continued soon...