No Words

I really did not know what to title this blog, so I left it as "No Words". My worries and fears about Luke have really gone away. Well, they had gone away. He is not feeling well. He is running a bit of a fever and is extremely congested- again! I get so frustrated about his health. Every other month we are having to deal with medicine, doctor's appointments, and his humidifier. It is so different with him. Sydney and Gracie stay pretty healthy. Even when sick, I have not worried about them. With Luke, I feel this great fear creep into my mind. The "what ifs" tend to just get me all worked up. The Bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. I quote that scripture to myself all the time. It still doesn't change the fact that I would be traumatized if something bad happened to Luke. I guess I just need to get over the fear.

Christmas is 3 days away. I hate that Luke does not interact like other children. He sometimes doesn't even participate in his own life. He is in some other world 75% of the time. So, 5 out of 6 people in my family unit will really experience Christmas. Luke will participate as much as he can. I would so love to see his eyes glow with excitement. I would love to see him walk to the Christmas tree. I would love to hear him say "Mama". For now, an occassional smile will do, but oh how my heart wants more! To know that my little boys knows me and wants me would be the greatest Christmas present I could ever receive.

The Echo

Luke had an Echocardiogram a couple weeks ago. It showed that he has a "tiny" hole in his heart. It is something that corrects itself in the growing process most of the time. So, there is no real worry. They are just going to watch it and make sure that it heals.

Next up- the genetic study at Shands in Gainesville, FL in late March 2009.

A First

During our time in Georgia, Luke really began to reach out to me. He smiled when he heard my voice and even made some brief eye contact. A miracle occurred during this time. Well, it is a miracle in my world. I was laying on the floor in my in-law's living room. Luke was several feet away in his own little world. A couple minutes after I laid down on the floor, Luke began scooting towards me. He was looking straight at me and trying his hardest to get to me. Once he arrived by my side, he grabbed my shirt and pulled his face into my chest. He was laughing and trying to pull up on me. He was actually reaching out to me and wanting only me. It was the best single moment I have experienced since Luke's birth. It was in that moment that I knew that Luke knows me and wants me. I cannot explain how wonderful it made me feel. It was truly a miracle- a much needed miracle.