Musings, Frustrations, and Joys...

Luke standing at the kitchen counter wondering where in the world his dinner is...

 

Musings-

I sometimes find my life to be a series of comical events that run together into random stories of adulthood. I have had years that I have titled, "The year of unfortunate events" or "The year of growth". Last year was a year of many unfortunate events that led into this amazing time of encouragement, growth, and peace. Professionally, I am now in a place where I feel like I am a perfect fit. I feel like I am finally in an environment where who I am is a perfect fit. I plan to grow where I have been planted. I give God the credit for this one, definitely. I come in contact with individuals who help me see that I am intelligent. It sounds weird, I know, but I have questioned my own intelligence, at times.

 

My marriage has grown and changed. Instead of two selfish people trying to do things on our own, we are allowing God to take control and letting go of our selfishness. We are falling in love again. As a result, we are becoming the parents God has called us to be. Our children are being blessed by what God is doing in our lives.

 

I have been concentrating on these great blessings. I choose to look at all the positives. What a great time in life!!! One thing that I have been avoiding is that issue of a diagnosis for Luke. I am loving all the positives that are happening and I am stupidly ignoring the elephant in the room.

 

Frustrations-

In the back of my mind, the diagnosis issue has been looming like a dark cloud. See, he has to have a diagnosis in order to get on the waiting list for APD (Association of persons with disabilities). The waiting list in years long. APD offers specific services to individuals who have aged out of school system benefits at age 22. Luke will need these services.

 

I am just desperately avoiding the fight. No one seems comfortable giving Luke a clear diagnosis because no one really knows what is going on with him. There are no clear answers. He does not fit the common mold. This uphill battle requires emotional and mental energy that I am just not sure that I have.

 

Sometimes I just want to scream! I know I am not alone in my fight, but I definitely feel alienated by my situation.

 

Joys-

I want to go back to thinking about the joy in my life. My husband and I are in love with each other. We have joined forces for the benefit of our children. We work as a team now. My children are involved in many great extracurricular activities; dance, golf, chorus, youth, etc. Luke has a great teacher and she is really helping him grow. Our little family has turned into a force of sorts. We are becoming fiercely loyal to each other.

 

So, I guess I am rambling. There is no real point. I just feel the need to get it all out. I am basically preparing myself for the next step. It is time to push for a diagnosis so that Luke can get the services he needs and deserves to have. It is time to push until there is a solution.

 

For now, I am going to get my little guy to bed. He is in my bed laughing and stimming himself silly. I also plan to write another blog on the subject of all items found to be "Stim Worthy".