Ponderings...

Yes, I know, weird title... but it fit :)

Pondering #1: I wonder if my husband is angry with me for having a baby with a disability. Does he blame me? Is he angry with me? Is that why he seems to not like me most of the time? I feel like what happened to Luke was my fault. Were the showers I took when I was pregnant too hot? Did it cause him to have seizures in womb? Is that why they say he has a brain injury? Did I not eat enough? Did the virus I had when pregnant with him cause his disability? I know, worrying about this stuff is stupid, but It is what I think about.

Pondering #2: Luke is God's gift to me. All of my children are the most special kind of gift I could ever receive.

Pondering #3: I wonder if my dog is ok out in the yard, by herself, when it is 20 degrees outside... we left the dog during our North Carolina/Georgia trip.

Pondering #4: What goes through Luke's head? What is his level of intelligence? What does he feel? Does he have hidden health issues? What if they are serious? Who do I need to call? Who does his pediatrician need to refer Luke to?

Pondering #5: He has a stomach virus and refuses to eat. Will he lose weight? I can't bring him back to the doctor if he has lost weight. What can I give him to gain the weight back?

Pondering #6: How awesome is my God!!! I just want to worship Him!!! Heaven is going to be awesome! Luke will walk and talk and praise God right beside me, my father, my brother, and my two grandfathers.

Pondering #7: Will Marty and I be together in heaven? How does he really feel about me? 7 years seems like a long time to blend a family!

Pondering #8: Am I a good mother? Do my children love me? Does my husband? Am I a good wife?

Pondering #9: What can I do for God today? What can I do in my church? What can I do to bless others? God answered all of these questions today :)

I would be nothing without God. He is my all in all!!!!