Luke's genetic study is coming up in a few weeks. I can't say that I am feeling peaceful about it- I wish I could. I just so badly want some answers. This study could give answers, but the again, it may lead to more questions.
It is so hard to relate to Luke. Sometimes he is right there with us and other times he is in his own world. Tonight, for the most part, he was in his own world. I wanted and needed to hold him but the only time he would give me was when he was drinking his bottle.
I am so torn. Some people tell me that, because I am a woman of faith, I shouldn't worry, fear, grieve, or feel sad over the situation with my son. Others tell me it is ok to let myself feel the pain of this. Who is right? Who is wrong? I am conflicted. I worry. I fear. I definitely feel the pain of this situation... even though I try to keep a positive attitude about this.
Truth be told, I have never felt so much pain. This is my son... my flesh and blood. There is something wrong and I can't fix it. There is a high probability that, by the time it is all said and done, he will have a list of diagnosis' and disabilities. I so much want to have a real relationship with him. I want him to call my name. I want him to crawl... and walk!
I just want to feel ok with all this...
1 comment:
Hi Jaime -
This is Allison Powell from high school....
Just want you to know I'm sending good thoughts your way, and to Luke too.
And just my opinion, but I think even people of faith are entitled to worry and doubt. He's your son, and it's completely natural to have fears about his well being. If you didn't, you wouldn't be human.
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