Perceptions: The true difference in being a mother AND an educator.

I was born with the heart of an educator- caring, compassionate, passionate, and strong. I have spent a good amount of time with all kinds of educators; teachers, therapists, administrators, support staff, etc. I have listened in on all kinds of conversations involving every different kind of local educator. I have been teaching for 5 years, all together. I have been a teacher of children with special needs for four of the five years. I am passionate about advocating for the education of children. I will always be passionate.

Early in the year of 2008, when Luke was just months old, I realized that something was different about this child. Little did I know, at that point, that he would not walk or talk or be capable of engaging in activities with peers. I did not realize how "neurologically young" my little one would be. None-the-less, this realization changed my life. I ceased being just an educator with neurotypical children of my own. I began the journey of being a mother of neurotypical children and of a child with special needs. This changed my view on how to parent completely. I  began to learn how to juggle the needs of three high maintenance (slightly older) children and the needs of a non-demanding, yet needy also, child with special needs. This also changed how I would view my chosen profession from that point on.

I have recently been told that I cannot allow my experience as a parent to dictate how I make choices as a teacher. How can that be possible?! I know the every day reality that my students and their families live. I cannot choose to ignore it. I must adhere the the principles and ethics of my profession and I also must adhere to school and district guidelines. I also need to adhere to my personal standards. These children ceased being case-studies and experiments to me long ago. Every day, I fight a battle between my professionality and reality. I see the pain in each parent's eyes. I know, from personal experience, how it feels to be surrounded by "professionals" who are constantly telling me that what I do is simply not good enough.

There is a fine line that is easy to cross when communicating with parents. Some parents only have one child to focus on and do not choose to work. These parents, often-times, want to know strategies to use in the home to help their child. So, as a professional, you can be more open about your ideas for strategies and techniques to use in the home for the benefit of the child. If this kind of parent has asked for advice, the teacher should give it freely while remaining understanding that most parents are not capable of following through on the highly structured activities that take place in the classroom.

There is another set of parents who are quite opposite of the first set. These parents have multiple children and also have to work to support their families. Parents of neurotypical can get quite overwhelmed with daily life. I will always be sensitive to that. I will say that I believe parents of a blended family, with neurotypicals and a child or children with special needs, live a life in which every second of the day can be overwhelming.  This kind of parent may not want to know what you think they should be doing different for their child with special needs. Every day is survival. Each moment of their time at home is consumed with multiple issues that require their undivided attention. If you are asked for advice, give advice but remain fully aware that many things you suggest are just not reality for this specific family.

I belong to this group of parents. I want to give you a window into my world for the purpose of helping you understand that I am trying my very best to be the very best for everyone in my life and I live a life in which there is way too little time to do way too much.

On Mondays through Fridays, I wake up at 4:30am. I use the next hour to get myself ready for my work. I walk out of my dark bedroom (Marty is still asleep) at 5:30am sharp. I turn on the tv to channel 19 and watch Joyce Meyers for 15 minutes while packing my lunch and snacks and getting the coffee brewing. At 5:40am, I turn on Sydney and Gracie's light and say "It's wake-up time". I go to Luke's room to pick out the girls' school close and stop for a moment to watch Luke sleep. I cover him up with his little quilts and tell him that I love him. At 5:45am, every other week, I wake Logan up and say "Good morning 'Yogan', it's wake-up time.". I then go back to the girls room and spend another 5 minutes nagging them until they wake up and start getting dressed. By 5:55am all three of the older kiddos are awake and absent-mindedly wondering into the living room. I brush the girls' hair and remind all three to brush their teeth. At 6:00am, I turn the tv to channel 13 to watch Believer Voice of Victory with Kenneth and Gloria Copeland. The coffee finishes brewing while I watch for 8 minutes (steadily having to remind the kids to be quiet so Mommy (Mrs. Jaime) can hear the Word of God). At 6:08am, I walk back into my dark bedroom, kiss Marty on the forehead, and tell him to have a wonderful day while pleading and applying the Word of God for protection over him, myself, our children, and our parents. At 6:10am, I say "load up!" while pouring my cup of coffee. The kids and I get into the Yukon to go to the bus stop. At 6:20am, the older three are on the bus and I am off to work. ( At 6:45am, Marty wakes up to get Luke ready for school and Luke is off to school by 7:10am. Marty leaves for work shortly there-after). I arrive at Ensley at 6:45am. I quickly sign in and walk the .2 miles to my classroom at a quick pace. My students arrive at 7:20 and my work day truly begins. My students leave between 1:40pm and 2:10pm. After the last parent pick up, my teacher assistant (s) and I go for a 2.5 miles walk around the school grounds.

I usually arrive home, in the afternoon, at 3:30pm. I step into my kitchen knowing that I have four and a half hours with my children before they go to bed and I am too exhausted to accomplish anything more. (Marty arrives home about 5:00pm, on average). My first order of business is to start a load of laundry and put away clean dishes from the night before. Once my kitchen is in order, I begin dinner. I make the three older kids go outside and play while Luke crawls around the house (enjoying the temporary quiet). Prep time for dinner is usually around 30 minutes. After I put meat in the oven, begin boiling some water (for noodles, potatoes, etc), and put a veggie on the stove, I take my 15 minute "me" time. Usually it consists of doing crunches and other calisthenic activities and/or checking Facebook or email. As I continue dinner, I take out the first load of laundry and continue the cycle. I also check on Luke frequently and keep him from banging his toys against our hard floors and eating the paint off of the corners of the walls. I also change his diaper and give him his afternoon sippy cup while doing household chores. At approximately 5:30pm all of the older kids walk in the door and begin milling around and arguing with each other. While I finish dinner preparations, I put out the "fires" that the older kids create. Dinner is served around 6:00pm usually and tends to require my direct attention. Luke is brought to the table and is seated in his chair. Sydney and Gracie are not to sit next to each other and Logan usually sits between them. This can create a stir, but we do what we have to do. We make plates with the dinner food for each child, then we serve ourselves. I always sit next to Luke and assist with his feeding during dinner. Most of the time, I hand feed him as a result of not having the time or energy required to clean him up. By 6:40pm all six of us are fed and Marty and the kids bring their plates to the sink for clean up. I send Logan to the shower and 15 minutes later, the girls take a shower. Marty will go to our bathroom and give Luke a shower with him. At 7:30pm, all (except me) have showered and the family gathers in the living room to watch tv together. At this point, I am exhausted. I fix Luke a warm sippy cup with melatonin and rock him in our recliner. Marty leaves for his second job at 7:40pm. He works from 8:00pm until 12:00am and usually does not go to bed until 1:00am. At 8:00pm, all kids are in bed and I go to my room to watch tv. By 9:00pm, I am asleep. My next day begins at 4:30am.

The only day that differs is Wednesday. We eat church dinner at 5:30pm. Marty goes to his Men's Fraternity meeting and I walk the church grounds with Luke. Marty leaves for his second job at 7:15pm and I go to choir at 7:15pm until 8:45pm.

So, let me ask you, what more can I possibly fit into my day? What more could any working mother or father do? I sincerely ask you, is all of this not good enough?

It is food for thought for parents and for educators. Are our expectations of parents too crazy? I will continue to push my students during school hours and I will continue to be sensitive to the reality that each mother and father lives every day. It turns out that I was born not only to advocate for students, but also advocate for their parents.

I AM A MOM-ECATOR!

How Does This Make You Feel? Care. Don't Stare!

Care. Don't Stare!

How would you feel if the eyes of the public were always on you, judging you?

A common story I hear from parents who have a child with a disability is that they have a hard time dealing with the way society judges their son or daughter when out in public. It is truly a common theme among parents of children with disabilities. Not many people understand that we parents have gone through a grieving process. When we were pregnant, we would dream of what our child will look like and sound like. You think that if you have a girl, you will dress her just so and have a wonderful relationship with her. If it is a boy, you a ready to get him involved in sports. As soon as we came face to face with the fact that our child was different, we had to change directions totally. We had to find new hopes and dreams. For some of us the dream is to see him walk and run and talk and play. For others it is that their child will be the genius this world is waiting for. Whatever the dream may be, we look at our little one and see the hope for the future.

When we go in to the world with our beautiful ray of hope, we quickly find that the world doesn't see the hope in the situation we have. Most stare and many make quick judgments about the parents. Instead of passing us by, public joe chooses to make us feel awful about ourselves and our child.

The road we walk is filled with champions. The champions know what it is to love unconditionally. We see the best in our child and it angers us when others refuse to see what we see. 

This will be continued soon...

Becoming...

The Daniel Family Christmas 2011

Marty, Jaime, Logan, Sydney, Gracie, and Luke
Taken at PapPaw and Mimi's House (The Rogers' Christmas Celebration)

The Rogers and their lovely grandchildren - Christmas 2011
PapPaw, Mimi, Logan, Gracie, Luke, and Sydney

Luke's Christmas Experiences

Daddy and Luke bonding time with presents. Pure joy!

My BIG Tampa Family

We took the kids (Logan, Gracie, Sydney, and Luke) to see Grandma A. They all adore her. Luke had a chance to meet some extended family that Mommy hadn't seen in years. It a blessed trip to Tampa

To Grandma and PawPaw's We Go- finally!

Luke truly enjoyed rolling his bus up and down the hardwood floors in their home. He feels perfectly comfortable there :)

Becoming...

We are all truly unique, yet we are becoming a beautiful blended family. 

The Untitled Holiday One

This would be my facial expression after being told that there are only 7 days until Christmas! Ahhh! I have so much left to do! So, today was my day to accomplish I few things.  My Christmas shopping is completely done. The decorations are all up and the presents are wrapped under our beautifully decorated Christmas tree. I got my first spray tan done last night. I went from pale to waz-am in 20 minutes. I like it and I believe I might do it again. It's helping me out of this "I have four children, a second full time job teaching kids, and no energy" attitude.

So, I am taking a new approach. Everything is great and I will choose to see the humor in the things that aren't so great. So, I am going through another Christmas with children who may or may not be completely happy with what they have been given. One of my four children will find more joy from banging the Christmas toy against the tile than actually playing with the toy. It's all good. We are all so wonderfully unique. God bless Logan for having to go through two separate Christmases and feeling uncomfortable living a split life. God bless Sydney and Gracie for having a father who is choosing not to be involved in their lives. God bless Luke for being disabled. Honestly, God blessed my children through their circumstances. God gave Logan a step-mom who loves him and provides for him. God gave Sydney and Gracie a step-father to help them grow spiritually. God blessed Luke by giving him an entire family who prays for him every day.

So, for all that could frustrate us, we choose to view the blessings. What an awesome life we live and what an awesome God we serve! Merry Christmas all~

It's Christmas Time Again- Updates

Wow! I just realized how quickly this past year has flown. It seems like yesterday that we had bought our new house and were putting up new Christmas decorations.

So here's for our updates:

Luke's Broken Clavicle

Last Saturday, Luke fell out of our tall chair on to the tile floor. He immediately started fussing and continued fussing for the next couple of hours. So, I took him to Santa Rosa Medical Center. After 3 hours and a CT scan, we were discharged. They said he would be sore for a while. I took that at face value. So the next day, I was getting ready to give Luke a shower and I noticed that his right shoulder was really swollen. Marty and I made the decision to take him to "Dr. Happy" that next day. Long story short, his right clavicle is broken. He is a brave little boy and is now doing great. He is healing quickly.

Christmas Shopping With Luke

Marty and I discovered the greatness of taking your child with autism Christmas shopping for himself. We were able to go through the store and let him try different toys. We found three that he really liked and bought them. We got home and he still wanted to play with the toys, so while I was wrapping other gifts, he kept playing. When he moved away from the toys, I took each one and wrapped them and placed them under the tree. He didn't even realize what had happened. I bet that he will be surprised on Christmas morning!

The Decorating of the Christmas Tree 2011

We take pictures and videos every year of the children decorating our Christmas tree. We listen to Christmas music and drink hot chocolate. This is the picture of our four darling children. It will not be long and we will be looking at teens in this picture! Oh how I want to treasure these memories. They are so precious to me!

The Love Between a Father and His Son

Luke loves his daddy. This picture was taken as Marty and Luke were watching Logan's basketball team, The Hurricanes, play a game. Luke desires closeness with his father. 

Faith: The Replacement Behavior for Fear

Halloween 2011!

I love these pictures!!!

I have been reading a daily devotional written by a lovely woman who has a son with autism. In the devotional, she is very truthful about the joy and pain of raising a child with a disability. Their is a short story, verses from the Bible, and a short prayer for each day. What a blessing this devotional has been! It is amazing to find out that other ladies have gone through what I am going through. I truly believe that God has called parents of children with disabilities to bless each other.

Our Testimony:

I put a picture on Facebook that had the four kids with a grocery cart. I was thinking that Marty and I were kind of brave that day. We took all four kids to Winn-Dixie to get groceries for the next two weeks. There were two comments that changed my perception of our situation;

"Saw you and the girls holding Luke's hands and walking down the sidewalk after church this morning...thanked God for all He is doing in the lives of your family. It was so precious watching Luke walk. Just wanted you to know that God is using you and this journey with Luke as a testimony of God's faithfulness!"

" I was there walking with Amy, it was definitely a God moment. Luke is a walking testimony and so are you and Marty."

Our family has a testimony. Each one of us has a story. God has been with us and has had His hand on all of our lives. Luke has a testimony. He was born to bring Glory to God.

My Ministry:

"Chasing Away"- I was called to bless the lives of other parents who have children with disabilities. The following comment was left on Facebook;

" I'm so happy to see you've made a group for other moms in the area to get together and support each other! That's a ministry need that's so often overlooked. : )"

The person who left this comment helped me realize that what I am already doing is a ministry. It needs to be thought of as a ministry.

An Update:

Luke is now attending a new school. He is doing so well where he is! His teacher is an amazing lady. There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for leading us to this class. Luke is walking more and more. we have found a gate trainer that Luke likes. Hopefully we will have one for him soon. He is also finger walking. He will hold on to one person's finger and walk. I am so proud of him. He is making such great gains. I have to give glory to God for Luke. He continues to do better than anyone could have expected!

Beauty

This is Luke at Splash in Panama City, Florida. Splash is a resort with condos. The bottom floor has pools, a lazy river, and something called "The Bucket". Logan, Sydney, and Gracie LOVE this place. It is perfect for them. They don't stop moving until around 9:00pm. My parents take us every year. It is a huge blessing! We arrived on a Friday evening with Luke. He swam with Marty and the older kids at the lazy river. After 45 minutes he was purple because he was cold. Here is a picture of him when he was cold-

He enjoyed himself, though. So, he did not go in the water for the remainder of the trip. 

I am truly amazed by Luke. I just love watching him. He is beautiful. I wish I had the words to describe my love for him. My love for him is truly unique. It is different than my love for my husband or my girls. My girls give love back. I say. "I love you" and they say "I love you" back. Luke has his ways of giving love back to me also. I pick him up and he puts his head on my shoulder and touches my back. He presses into me. 

Luke is a beautiful child inside and out. He is the glory of God revealed in a human being. He is not God, but he proves that God exists. God's hand is on this child. He brings so much blessing into the lives of the people he is around. His teacher says that he is unique. He is unique indeed. 

Thank you God for giving me this beautiful little boy to love and care for. God has changed my life through knowing and loving Luke!